Wild About You - Wounds: From A 60-Day Devotional for Couples | By John Eldredge
About HER
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. — Psalm 25:16
To do any sort of justice to a book for women would require me (John) to go deeper, listen even more carefully, study, delve into the mystery (okay, mess) of a woman’s soul. Part of me didn’t want to go there. Pull back. Withdraw. I was keenly aware of this going on inside me, and I felt like a jerk. But I also knew enough about myself and about the battle for a woman’s heart that I needed to explore this ambivalence.
- What is this thing in me — and in most men — that doesn’t want to go deep into a woman’s world?
“You are too much. It’s too much work. Men
are simpler. Easier.” And isn’t that the message you’ve lived with all
your life as a woman? “You’re too much, and not enough. You’re just not
worth the effort.” Now, part of a man’s fundamental reluctance to truly
dive into the world of a woman comes from a man’s deepest fear: failure.
He fears that having delved into his woman’s world, he won’t have what
it takes to help her there. That is his sin. That is his cowardice. And
because of her shame, most of the time a man gets away with it.
Most
marriages reach this sort of unspoken settlement. “I’m not coming any
closer. This is as far as I’m willing to go. But I won’t leave, and that
ought to make you happy.” And so there is this sort of détente, a
cordial agreement to live only so close. The effect is that most women
feel alone.
Lord Jesus, you know the ways in which I feel alone. Give my husband courage to come near, even as I draw near to you.
About HIM
For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me. — Psalm 109:22
- For most of us, our wounds are an immense source of shame.
A man’s not supposed to get hurt; he’s
certainly not supposed to let it really matter. And so most men minimize
their wounds. King David (a guy who was hardly a pushover) didn’t act
like that at all. “I am poor and needy,” he confessed openly, “and my
heart is wounded within me” (Psalm 109:22). Or perhaps men will admit it
happened, but deny it was a wound because they deserved it.
After many months of counseling, I asked Dave a simple question: “What
would it take to convince you that you are a man?” “Nothing,” he said.
“Nothing can convince me.” We sat in silence as tears ran down my
cheeks. He had embraced the wound and owned its message as final. There
was no sign of emotion at all. I went home and wept — for Dave, and for
so many other men I know, and for myself because I realized that I, too,
had embraced my wound.
- The only thing more tragic than the tragedy that happens to us is the way we handle it.
God is fiercely committed to you, to the
restoration and release of your masculine heart. But a wound that goes
unacknowledged and unwept is a wound that cannot heal. A wound you’ve
embraced is a wound that cannot heal. A wound you think you deserved is a
wound that cannot heal.
