CR at University Carillon

Singer/Songwriter Rich Mullins (who is now with the Lord) tells the story of sitting in a train station in Germany with his best friend, “Beaker,” after being in Amsterdam. In Amsterdam he became keenly and uncomfortably aware that he was just as susceptible to sin then as he was when he was much younger – even after many years of being a Christian.  While sitting in the train station – assuming no one would understand what they were saying - Rich and Beaker were talking in explicit detail about the nature of their temptations and struggles, when a stranger sitting behind them said, “Hey, aren’t you Rich Mullins?!” Not thinking someone would recognize him in Germany, or pay attention to his and Beaker’s conversation, Rich said that he then had to think back to see whether he wanted to  be  “Rich Mullins” or not. As he retraced his conversation he concluded, “I must be Rich Mullins.” There was no getting around who he was....

In the past weeks I've felt God reminding me of the importance of living one day at a time. From tough family situations, to learning how to parent two small kids, to just navigating a broken world, I've been reminded of so many things that I cannot control. Early in my recovery, I lived with the false belief that I could manipulate and control my life - from my addictions, to relationships, to the way people viewed me. And you know what? It never quite worked. But as I started working this process, I came to discover that the only real thing I have control over is simply taking the next right step, or learning to live "one day at a time, one moment at a time". In fact, Jesus tells us is how God intends us to live our lives in Matthew 6:34 NIV : Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. I heard my sponsor say once that the only place we experience God is right here in the pres...

It doesn’t make sense to me, but my attempts to hold on to my old life through control actually saps the life right out of me. I am tempted in this space to try harder, do better, perform, or even ‘out do’ the bad with good behaviors, but it never works, and is never sustainable in our recovery journey. It’s the letting go that ultimately brings life. I have learned in my recovery journey that it’s so much harder to surrender than it is to accomplish. In my flesh, I am wired to accomplish and perform for love. But Jesus didn’t design me or you that way. He reminds us that our performance doesn’t gain us life. Coming to Him in our brokenness and our old self, and resting in His love changes us to our new in Christ-created self. He reminds us again and again that surrender leads to life. A good reminder for me is to let go of what I’m trying to manage on my own today, yet again. What about you? Is there something you're focusing on and trying to manage that...

  1 Samuel 16:7 says, “For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” I remember a time when this verse was a great comfort to me. I thought, “Thank God that he sees my heart—that he doesn’t evaluate me the way others do. Others reject me based solely on what they see, but God sees my heart. He sees the real me. He sees behind the curtain of my rough exterior to the softness of my well-intentioned heart.” Then I realized this awful truth: I have hate in my heart. I have envy in my heart. I have lust and pride and greed and selfishness in my heart. My heart is “deceitful above all things and desperately sick” ( Jeremiah 17:9 ). I realized then that I’d actually be a lot better off if God saw as humans see. Far from taking comfort in the idea that God saw the “inner beauty” that no one else could see, I realized that God actually saw the inner ugliness that I was able to hide from almost everybody else. Like the rest ...